Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
