Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
