I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
