Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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