No awkward lesbian experiences without me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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