Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
