Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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