you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
