there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
