I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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