Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
