Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
