you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
