Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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