Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
