let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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