but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
