I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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