You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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