yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
