Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
