I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
