how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
