I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
