Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
