i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
