it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
