so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
