I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
