I wannas sexs uuuuu
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
