The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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