I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
