I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
