Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
True college students do jello shots in the library
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