Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
