I accidentally had phone sex last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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