Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
