but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
