Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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