Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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