Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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