i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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