I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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