Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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