So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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