wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
