yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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