yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
