i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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