So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Damn victory sex feels great
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
